Someone just called me an Uncle while I was waiting to collect my running bib for Airtel Delhi Half Marathon. So at 40 am I uncle to 18-25 something ? May be yes .But hey that 40 something dude in the next line with bald-bold and Ray ban looks never got called an Uncle. So there must be some method to this Uncle/Aunty Business.
Rules for Uncle:
1) Grey Hair, No Hair, or lots of Hair =Uncle
2) Pot Belly= Uncle
3) Looking Old and tired= Uncle
4) With a kid= Uncle
5) With real Uncle =Uncle
6) No baby fat on face=Uncle
7) Baby fat on face -Uncle
8) Eating Samosa =Uncle
Rules for Aunty:
1) Married: Aunty
2) All the rules above.
Now once someone calls you an Uncle/Aunty. There are basically 3 things that you can do. And this doesn’t include entering into a fist fight- “thoda umar ka lihaaz karna”
Thing 1: Ignore, smile and say. Beta Jara paani pila do bahut pyaas lagee hai.
Thing 2: Shout at him/her: ” Saale Aunty hogee teri Maa”
Things 3: For the posh among us : WHAT! with facial expressions. But remember here there is a even bigger danger, some person will reply immediately : Aunty Jee !. Now that would be worst than Aunty :0
So remember anyone other than Salman Khan anyone can be called an Uncle or Aunty in India . And don’t get my wrong. I don’t mind being called an Uncle by kids below 20 as long as I get to call them beta and ask for a glass of water. In the end I often have only complaint- “Yaar us Aunty ne bhee mujhe Uncle bol diya ”
The other day some girl called me a ” dude”. I didn’t say a word. She said “dude” again to get my attention. Making sure that the dude was directed at me I gathered my wits and said ” You calling me “Dude” took me by surprise and as a consequence I’m speechless 🙂
P.s: These rules were unwritten until I wrote them. Now you can call anyone Uncle/Aunty and quote this blog 🙂