10 un-written rules of calling someone Uncle or Aunty in India

Someone just called me an Uncle while I was waiting to collect my running bib for Airtel Delhi Half Marathon. So at 40 am I uncle to  18-25 something ? May be yes .But hey that  40 something dude in the next line with bald-bold and Ray ban looks never got called an Uncle. So there must be some method to this Uncle/Aunty Business.

Rules for Uncle:

1) Grey Hair, No Hair, or lots of Hair =Uncle

2) Pot Belly= Uncle

3) Looking Old and tired= Uncle

4) With a kid= Uncle

5) With real Uncle =Uncle

6) No baby fat on face=Uncle

7) Baby fat on face -Uncle

8) Eating Samosa =Uncle

Rules for Aunty:

1) Married: Aunty

2) All the rules above.

Now once someone calls you an Uncle/Aunty. There are basically 3 things that you can do. And this doesn’t include entering into a fist fight- “thoda umar ka lihaaz karna”

Thing 1: Ignore, smile and say. Beta Jara paani pila do bahut pyaas lagee hai.

Thing 2: Shout at him/her: ” Saale Aunty hogee teri Maa”

Things 3: For the posh among us : WHAT! with facial expressions. But remember here there is a even bigger danger, some person will reply immediately : Aunty Jee !. Now that would be worst than Aunty :0

So remember anyone other than Salman Khan anyone can be called an Uncle or Aunty in India . And don’t get my wrong.  I don’t mind being called an Uncle by kids below 20 as long as I get to call them beta and ask for a glass of water. In the end I often have only complaint- “Yaar us Aunty ne bhee mujhe Uncle bol diya ”

The other day some girl called me a ” dude”.  I didn’t say a word. She said “dude” again to get my attention. Making sure that the dude was directed at me I gathered my wits and said ” You calling me “Dude” took me by surprise and as a consequence I’m speechless 🙂

P.s: These rules were unwritten until I wrote them. Now you can call anyone Uncle/Aunty and quote this blog 🙂

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