Bus ek Chatbot chahiye Whatsapp ke liye

I now receive more messages on WhatsApp than FB, gmail, post etc etc. I also receive on an average 50MB of videos, daily morning pics, inspirational quotes to name a few. The biggest malware on my phone is WhatsApp.

Honestly, I need a Chatbot. Not intelligent, just artificial will do. In fact I need the chatbot that escaped Facebook AI labs. Just one of them in my  phones and he  can do all the chatting for me and  don’t even need to understand it.

I would love if my Chatbot  can send a ” Good Morning” messages at 12.01 AM to all my WhatsApp groups . If possible use the heaviest image file. For all the mornings that you wished me ” Good morning” here is the revenge of the person whose sleep you distrubed.

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My other wish is for the chatbot to combine all the videos that I receive in a single file and send it to all those who  forward 15Mb videos to me.( on JIO or office internet off course).

I want my Chatbot to unleash ” wannacry” malware for every message that uses hashtags. Get real, your good morning and be happy type of messages are unlikely to go viral.And finally block ( plus create their profile on tinder) those send messages using emojis unless they are supported by proper subtitles.

 

And as I write this blog I have received yet another message full of wisdom which ends like this ” You have a choice to either delete this message or share it, it will take less than a minute to pass this along so that our world will be a happier place”.

I have the same advise for you regarding this blog.

P.S .Inspired by the Rock vs Siri advert I also commanded by Google Assistant to put an alarm for 5 am in the morning. Good part was that it actually worked. Bad part was that the alarm rang at 5.am

 

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This Taxi respects women

We Indian’s love tokenism.
For instance in Delhi you would have come across these stickers ” This taxi respects women”. To the best of my knowledge no case has been ever found of “Taxi’s” disrespecting anyone.
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Okay,  the message is about ” Taxi Driver” respecting women. But what are we hoping. Will  this message remind Taxi drivers of not doing anything bad.

If we look at the data we will realise that in very few cases Taxi and Taxi drivers disrespect women or molest them. In most cases women get molested, kidnapped and raped in Private vehicles. Do we have a similar sticker for them. Imagine on your bad ass SUV- This SUV respects women.

To be honest Taxi drivers get abused and disrespected a lot by everyone. These stickers disrespect them even more. If someone came to Delhi from a foreign country and saw this sticker then they would think that in India Taxi drivers are the culprits of violence against women.
Even if we were to buy this message of ” Taxi’s respecting women” does it mean that these Taxi’s don’t respect men. Or Men don’t need respect from Taxi drivers? And what about those who are transgender ? Do they deserve any respect or not ? What about Taxi’s  without this sticker on them. Are they disrespectful ?  Should we be taking these Taxi’s or not,
So this public service message of women safety serves any purpose at all ?
If you want to solve the problem of women safety in India you have to fight to patriarchy and the condition of women in our society. You have to fight for a speedy justice through our judiciary. You have to have a more responsive and empathetic police force. You have to educate males and females in our homes.
But all of this is tough work and will take a lot of time. Making stickers and pasting them on Taxi’s is easy.

I will not buy anything this year

I wanted to start somewhere so 29th June is the day I want to stop buying things for the rest of the year.  Some basic rules  that I will follow

  1. I will not buy new buy books unless I have read all the books that I have in book shelf.
  2. I will not buy new clothes and shoes.
  3. I will not buy any new electronic items.
  4. I will not buy anything new for the house.
  5. I will not buy anything that I don’t need to function
  6. I will not buy cycling or running gear. No new water bottles.
  7. I will do my best not to buy bottled water.

Let’s see how the next 6 month of the year goes.

 

Three cities one question

I grew up in Shimla.For a variety of reasons our family moved to Dehradoon in late 90s. In the beginning I didn’t like Dehradoon. It was a a city in a rush to become Delhi. But slowly I started enjoying doon. And how can I not. Mussoorie was literally walking distance and Ganga  was never too far away.

But Shimla never moved out of heart. I kept my links with Shimla alive by visiting the city whenever I got a chance.

Its been 24 years since I left Shimla. Out of which the for the last 14 years I have been living in Delhi. I call Delhi (South) home. I’m home in Delhi.

Life has been kind inspite the usual ups and downs. For the first time in my life I have the luxury of choice. I can choose where to live for the remaining years of my life.

Go back to the city where I was born or keep living in the city that made me what I’m today. Or take the middle path and move to Dehradoon.

Tough call.

 

 

To Protest or not to protest #Jallikatu

The answer came to me after a long time.

I totally agree that cruelty against animals is the worst form of cruelty and a slap on the face of entire humanity. Why ? Because animals can’t speak . They have to suffer silently the whole thing. If we are the higher beings then we have to treat other animals with kindness.

I’m all against animal cruelty but hey my morning starts with a healthy animal cruelty.

How ?

My morning tea has milk that is not meant for me. It’s for the calf. Imagine a cow who is lactating after delivery. Her calf is hungry. He is brought to the her just so that she can start giving milk. The calf doesn’t get to drink much. Almost all of the milk is taken away to be sold.  Now replace calf with your newborn.  Would you like mother’s milk for your newborn to be taken away from him.

So yes protest by all means but first put down that chicken wing and leave your lattes else you are just a Facebook animal friendly hypocrite.

Some would argue let’s start change with Jallikatu. I would say lets start change with us. Let’s start with our morning tea.

 

 

 

 

My resolutions for 2017

When you make your  resolutions public you can depend on the energy of the universe to make them happen. Also one can  count on good friends to remind  every now and then.

So here is a list of my resolutions for the coming year and I need everyone’s help to make them happen.

  1. Say NO: I find it impossible to say NO to anything. This year I want to learn to say NO to things that are not important or urgent or interesting. No more saying YES just because you feel obligated. No more saying YES to that extra Roti. NO to that conference or meeting that is just a waste of time.
  2. Say YES to Meditation and Yoga: I want learn meditation and Yoga. Its been on my list of things to do for a long time. I feel now is the time in my life to start doing it. Any leads on how to go about doing this?
  3. Learn something new: Either hone up swimming skills or learn to skateboard. I don’t remember when was the last time I learned something which was physical in nature.
  4. Read 12 books: On an average one book a month for year 2017.
  5. Learn to code .. again : 16 years ago I could write SQL code and make it talk to databases. The world has changed in these 16 years. I want to understand what people code now days. My first stop is the learning to do programming with Scratch. Scratch is a visual programming language for kids.
  6. Lead a minimalist life: Buy less and discard anything that is in excess is going to be a mantra for 2017.
  7. Eat and live healthy: I want to reduce 4 whites in my food. White rice, white sugar, white milk and white atta ( maid or anything processed)

So these are my resolutions for 2017. I would love to know what are yours.

The world as we know has moved closer to War

 

History has a uncanny habit of repeating itself.

The recent assassination of Russian Ambassador in Ankara is like  the  assassination of Franz Ferdinand, the archduke of Austria-Hungary. His death at the hands of Gavrilo Princip a Serbian was one the major reasons for the start of the First world war that killed 17 million people.

Let’s pray that this recent incident doesn’t lead to a “crisis of confidence” between Russia and Turkey.

Just a few months back Turkey had shot down a Russian fighter Jet. Both Turkey and Russia are heavily invested into Syria albeit on opposite sides.

Turkey is a NATO member. If Russia attacks Turkey NATO will be drawn into the conflict. America, who is also member of NATO will be  duty bound to get involved too. And with Donald Trump at the helm of affairs things can get  messy.

At the end of 2nd world war UN was created to make sure the world doesn’t blow itself up. So far the UN has done its job. But the recent killing of innocents in Aleppo-Syria and Iraq doesn’t inspire much confidence on the ability of UN to prevent wars.

Lets just hope that history doesn’t repeat itself or else the world as we know it will be gone.

Have you actually seen NaMO Demonetisation survey

Never mind fellow netizens and experts with a IQ of 200 and above. You are free to comment and make jokes about it. Buzzfeed has actually a whole list of it here.

So I thought for a change it will be nice for us to see what the survey actually is like. So I dowloaded the survey and took some screen shots.

First, I agree that that large number of poor people who don’t smart phone cannot respond to the survey. But I fail to remember when was the last time in our history we actually asked the poor about their opinion. So lets not bring the poor into the argument just to win some points. This is the first time a politician is even asking  people about their opinion on a policy. It may not be the best medium but its a start.

But back to the survey.

Some questions use a scale. It may not be a perfect Likert scale but its not that bad that you simply ostracise the survey. All the questions are easy to understand.  May be one or two questions like the one that says – anti corruption activists are now supporting corruption- Yes or No is over the top and should have been removed. In all  Yes or No questions one could have added- I don’t know as an option

And yes all those who have smart phone and want to have their opinion heard can always criticise the  demonetisation move on this app first  and then take to twitter. That way they will get to see the questions 🙂

 

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Now this is super bad question. This Should be deleted. Its a you are with us or against us kind of question
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Don’t agree click Don’t know

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The downhill has come O lord

For the last 7 years of  running I have made improvements every year. Slowly moving from one  goal to another. I started with a modest Airtel Delhi Half marathon in 2008 at 2 hrs 50 minutes to my personal best of 1 hrs 41 minutes in 2015.

So why this year had to be any different.

But yes different is what it turned out to be precisely on the 20th November at Airtel Delhi Half Marathon 2016

Just previous year I had clocked 21kms at 1hrs 41 minutes which my personal best. I wanted to better my record and get over the other side of 100 minutes. But some things are  not to be. Not only I failed to cut the 100 minute mark I also slipped my personal best by 1 minute to finish the  half marathon in 1 hrs 42 minutes and 15 seconds.

Now this is not a bad time by any stretch of imagination. It just stopped my improvements over timing in the tracks.

I started the race with some lofty goals in my mind. Yes may be this is one where I will beat the 100 minutes mark that everyone Half marathoner wants to achieve ( We would love to boast that we finish half marathon in double digits- 99 minutes or less).

No such pleasure this time.

I know its not a big deal. The run was not to win any medals. Every runner knows that there are no prizes to win in the end . Its race against yourself.

And this is precisely I have failed.

The other area where I have failed is in making the same mistakes over and over. I ran the first 5 kms faster than I had ever run in my life sometime clocking as fast as 4 mins 36 seconds to a Km. This really pushed my heart in the red zone from where I never recovered. This made me struggle a lot in the last 7 kms of the race. Close to 50 runners overtook me towards the end of the race. Yes I was counting.

So what are the lessons.

Wait for muscle soreness to get over. Wait for another 12 months. Airtel Delhi Half Marathon we will meet again in 2017 and we will see if we are getting any older or not.

May be I should train more regularly and learn to pace better or else like they say- This is the beginning of a slippery slope my friend.

 

 

 

 

For 50 days Modi Jee give us these 5 things

Okay,  Indians will give you 50 days to make things normal. Lets hope you will be able to get ATMs to start dispensing cash. Lets hope you can make sure that everyone who doesn’t have a bank account is also able to change his or her currency and get started. But all of this will be well begun half done if you don’t do the following things. Worst,some of us will also start questioning the point of this exercise.

  1. Keep a limit on cash withdrawals from banks for ever. You can only withdraw so much cash in a calendar year. If it needs a new ordinance so be it. If there are no limits on cash withdrawals from banks then we will be back to square one. If you can’t legally limit then make the process difficult.
  2. Build a national invoicing system- one single software that everyone needs to use to print invoices.  For instance Delhi government has a single system that connects all their liquor shops. No more back entries in the books. Those who are not online please connect them using digital India mission.
  3. Introduce a cash transaction tax. Any cash transaction that is done will require a 10% tax. I’m sure you have smart people who can figure out how to do this.
  4. Make political parties including BJP disclose the source of donations- both cash and cheque.  Accountability has to start from your yard and rest of us will follow
  5. Digitise all land and building records. Make sure property cannot be purchased or sold without confirming the title on the digital records and not below the circle rates.  PAN already is compulsory. No PAN, No Property .

Start with suggestions 4 and 5. We are ready to face the brunt of demonetisation. We want to see if you are ready too: 🙂

I hope these things are already planned because I believe that you and your team is quite smart and have the right intent.