The saga of “Clean Chits”

All men are equal in India but some have clean chits.

Its raining Clean chits in India.  There must be a plan behind it.

A Bihar minister has supposedly given “clean chit” to Pakistan for killing of 5 soldiers at the line of control. When approached he pleaded ignorance- ” I tried very hard said the minster to write something on the “chit” but failed ( padhna likhna nahin aata hain na) , so I just gave the empty chit which now media is calling clean chit. This is not fair”.

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/Another-minister-embarrasses-Nitish-Kumar-by-giving-clean-chit-to-Pakistan-on-LoC-attack/articleshow/21747325.cms

It is also alleged that every Government department has now pre ordered a few thousand” Clean chits” which can be used in emergency for any member of Indian Royal family. They have also included the surnames of eminent persons from the family  who might be needing these chits.  A few have been reserved exclusively for eminent in-law. “Last time we were caught off-guard as there were no  ” clean chits” available  with us for the eminent in-law and madam was very angry ” says an official who refused to be named.

If our sources were to be believed massive plans are underway to create UID  smart card based “clean chits” system. All politicians will be issued a card and when ever in need they can use the ATM and get as many clean chits as possible. Similar cards will also be issued to members of BCCI,  Reliance brothers, Jindals etc.

Cleanchit

“These clean chits can also be traded on the stock exchange” says an official  from ministry of finance. This is the only way we can lift our falling stock markets. But a analyst commented that these clean chits should be swiss franc denominated- because the people who can afford to buy them have money in swiss francs.

A rights based group has argued that getting a ” clean chit” should become the fundamental right of every citizen in India. A online petition on change.org  to make this a fundamental right is on as we speak. Aptly titled- “Roti, Kapda Makaan” and clean chit.  Last heard they were struggling as to who should they address the petition to. Now they have agreed to write to Obama as most Indian Lawmakers do when they want to get anything done in India.

The clean chit saga took a interesting turn when a minster from a rural hinterland of Bihar complained that the clean chit he got was in-fact brown. The officer responsible for such gross negligence was immediately arrested. When approached he complained – The government doesn’t supply us water or  electricity but only “clean chits”- so today morning even the toilet paper was over so…

The government has now issued a new ordinance.

All clean chits hence forth will be brown in color.

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