I can’t help copying some paragraphs from Hsin Hsin Ming- The book of nothing. Read it slowly, let everything sink in and enjoy.
You love a person…
One woman came to me and she said, ”For ten years I have been married to a person and we never quarreled. And now suddenly, what happened? He has left me.” Now, she thinks that if they never quarreled it shows they were in deep love. This is foolish – but this is Aristotelian; the woman is absolutely logical. She said, ”For ten years we have been married. We never quarreled, we were never angry at each other.” She is saying, ”We were in such deep love that we never fought about anything. There was not even a single moment of conflict. And now, what happened? Suddenly he has left me!
Has he gone mad? Our love was so deep.”
She is wrong.
If love is deep then there is bound to be some quarrel. Sometimes you will fight. And the fight is not going to break the love, it enriches it. If love is there, it will be enriched by fighting; if love is not there, then you part, you separate. Ten years is a long time – even twenty-four hours is too long to be constantly in one state of mind, because mind moves to the opposite.
You love a person; sometimes you feel angry. Really, you feel angry only because you love. Sometimes you hate! Sometimes you would like to sacrifice yourself for your lover, and sometimes you would like to kill the lover. And both are you. If you never quarreled for ten years, it means there was no love at all. It means it was not a relationship. And you were so afraid that any anger, any conflict, any slight thing could break down the whole thing. You were so afraid you never quarreled. You never believed that the love could go deeper than the quarrel, that the quarrel would be momentary and after the quarrel you would fall into each other’s arms more deeply. No, you never trusted that. That’s why you managed not to fight. And this is not something to be surprised about, that the man has left. I said, ”I am surprised that he remained with you for ten years. Why?”
One man came to me and he said, ”Something has gone wrong with my son. I have known him for twenty years – he was always obedient. Such a good boy you cannot find anywhere. He never disobeyed, he never went against me. And now suddenly he has become a hippie. Now suddenly he doesn’t listen. He looks at me as if I am not his father at all. He looks at me as if I am a stranger.And for twenty years he was so obedient. What has happened to my son?”
Nothing has happened. This is what was to be expected, because if a son really loves his father he disobeys also. Whom else should he disobey? If a son really loves his father and trusts him, sometimes he goes away also – because he knows the relationship is so deep that by disobeying it is not going to be broken. Rather, on the contrary, it will be enriched.
The opposite enriches.
Really, the opposite is not opposite. It is just a rhythm, a rhythm of the same; you obey and then you disobey – it is a rhythm. Otherwise, just going on obeying, obeying, everything becomes monotonous and dead. Monotony is the nature of death, because the opposite is not there.
Life is alive. The opposite is there, a rhythm is there. You move, you come back; you depart, you arrive; you disobey, then you obey also; you love and you hate. This is life, but not logic. Logic says if you love you cannot hate. If you love, how can you be angry? If you love in this way then you love in a monotonous way, the same pitch. But then you will become tense, then it is impossible to relax.
Logic believes in linear phenomena: in one line you move. Life believes in circles: the same line goes up, comes down, becomes a circle.
You must have seen the Chinese circle of YIN and YANG. That is how life is: opposites meeting. That circle of YIN and YANG is half white, half black. In the white there is a black spot, and in the black there is a white spot. The white is moving into the black, and the black is moving into the white – it is a circle. The woman moving into the man, the man moving into the woman… this is life. And if you observe minutely, you will see it within you.
A man is not a man twenty-four hours a day, cannot be – sometimes he is a woman. A woman is not a woman twenty-four hours a day – sometimes she is a man also. They move to the opposite. When a woman is angry she is no more a woman; she becomes more aggressive than any man and she is more dangerous than any man, because her manhood is purer and never used. So whenever she uses it, it has a sharpness no man can compete with. It is just like soil which has not been used for many many years; then you throw the seeds – and a bumper crop!
A woman sometimes becomes a man, but when she becomes then no man can compete. Then she is very dangerous; then it is better for the man to submit. And that’s what all men do – they become submissive, they surrender. Because immediately the man has to become the woman, otherwise there will be trouble. Two swords in one seat – there will be trouble. If the woman has become the man, if she has changed the role, immediately the man becomes the woman. Now everything is reestablished. Again the circle is complete.
And whenever a man becomes submissive and surrenders, that surrender has a purity no woman can compete with – because ordinarily he is never in that posture, in that game. Ordinarily he stands and fights. Ordinarily he is a will, not surrender. But whenever he surrenders it has an innocence that no woman can compete with. Look at a man in love – he becomes just a small child.
But this is how LIFE moves. And if you understand it then you are not worried at all. Then you know: the lover has departed, he will come back; the beloved is angry she will love. Then you have patience. With Aristotle you cannot have any patience, because if a lover has departed, he has departed on a linear journey – no coming back, it is not a circle. But in the East we believe in the circle; in the West they believe in the line. The Western mind is linear, the Eastern mind is circular. So in the East a lover can wait. He knows that the woman who has left him now will come back. She is already on the way, she must be already repenting, she must have already repented, she must be coming; sooner or later she will knock at the door. Just wait… because the opposite is always there.